I’m 8 weeks old today, and I’d like to file a list of grievances.  Things around here just aren’t keeping up, and I want to make this known so somebody can do something about it!

• I used to be continuously fed, now I only get fed every two or three hours!
• I used to be kept at the perfect temperature all the time.  Now it gets warm and cool and I have to wear clothes – which get wet and smelly sometimes (for some reason), and then they have to get changed.  What is up with this big step backwards?
• I get ouchie gas bubbles and have to be burped – that didn’t used to happen.
• I get smelly in the “southern region” all the time – that didn’t used to happen either.
• These strange five fingered clubs go on hitting rampages with alarming frequency and pummel me about the face and neck.  Can somebody stop this madness?
• Ummm… No teeth!  Can somebody please tell me where my teeth are?
• Same for kneecaps!  How am I supposed to walk with no kneecaps?

I plan to keep complaining until these things get fixed!