People are always telling me how cute I am.  All the time.  It never stops.  So I started to wonder, how is it that I’m staying perpetually cute?  Doesn’t nature abhor a vacuum?  Shouldn’t my stand-apart cuteness be equalizing with my environment?

Well, I’ve developed a theory to explain this discrepancy: The Conservation of Cuteness.

This is how it goes.  Every substance has a certain amount of cuteness in it – its cuteness quotient – some more and some less.  Hello Kitty and baby bunnies have a high cuteness quotient, and…, well, let’s just say that Courtney Love rounds out the other end of the spectrum.

Now, breast milk isn’t particularly cute, but it does have a a non-zero cuteness quotient.  And I think we can all agree that it is cuter than what comes out the other end (Ed. Note: Yes, I think we can…).

Therefore, I’m a little cuteness filter, taking in as much or more cuteness than I give out (some is also radiated), which explains everything.  In short, pooping un-cuteness makes me cute!

I’m ready for my Nobel Prize in Perceptual Physics now!